New Divide
by Karategal
Summary: Movie Verse : 2009 As the Autobots struggle to battle both the Decepticons and the Fallen, Bumblebee must fight his own inner battle concerning not only his creation, but also his place amongst those he considers comrades and enemies. ROTF
1. Chapter I

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or any of the characters, Hasbro & Paramount Pictures does.

　This story is a sequel to my earlier story,_ Little Brother_, and will focus on Bumblebee and his relationships with his fellow Autobots and Megatron during Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. This story will also be much darker and more angsty than most of my other ones.

I will be referencing Litahatchee's wonderful idea of carrying from her story_ Night Fire,_ along with sparkshock and the femme/youngling bond, which I truly hope I do justice in this story. I would also like to recommend the story _File Recovery _by Xerios to anyone who has enjoyed my stories. It's excellent and a must read for anyone who may be interested in Megatron's past. And a huge thanks to MoonstarWorld for all of the help and inspiration she has given me for this story. Thank you.

Sparkling - Newborn

Youngling - Child

Italics - Thoughts

Breem - 8.3 Earth minutes

Joor - About 6.5 Earth hours

Orn - About 13 Earth day

Vorn - About 83 Earth years

New Divide - Chapter I - Broken Bonds

* * *

_Two days prior to the Shanghai incident..._

The quiet sounds of birds chirping and the wind rustling the leaves of the garden trees were a comfort to the young being nestled within the pale white garage. Little things like the faint hum of the air conditioner or the quick chittering of the nearby oak tree's resident squirrel was usually enough to lull the garage's occupant into a steady recharge. And this proved to be a good thing, after all, since the garage's inhabitant was at an age where proper recharge was especially vital to his continued upgrades and advancements. Then again, there were times when even the comfort of familiarity was unable to lull the young alien into slumber.

And tonight was proving to be one of those times.

Bumblebee sat comfortably in his alt form in the Witwicky garage, his naturally small frame easily squeezing between the various clutter that lined the white walls of the wooden shack. He had been having a relatively pleasant joor, spending most of it out in the sun while Sam and Mikaela gave him a good wash down. Earth was a fairly dusty and muddy planet, so regular washings were needed to keep the Autobots from developing a bad case of rust. Not that any of the Autobots were complaining, of course; a good wash down on such a regular basis was a novelty that most of them had not experienced in a very long time.

However, even a thorough washing and waxing was not enough to the ease the sharp pain that was gripping Bumblebee's spark.

The youngling had been feeling somewhat drained and ill over the past few orns, his entire frame aching from the angry pulses his spark kept sending out. He had not felt this kind of pain ever before in his life. Nevertheless, Bumblebee was pretty sure that he knew the reason behind his spark's suffering.

It was the death of his brother.

Although nearly two human years had passed since Megatron's death, such a time was infinitesimal when compared to the lifespan of a Cybertronian. And Bumblebee had never before felt such excruciating pain as when Megatron's spark had joined the Matrix. It had been absolutely spark-shattering, leaving a void so great that Bumblebee wondered if survival would be more of a curse than a blessing.

Ratchet had given the youngling a very thorough talk about bonds shortly after Mission City, explaining to Bumblebee why Optimus was in so much pain as a result of Megatron's death. Little did the medic know that Bumblebee was currently suffering from the exact same agony as their commander.

The spark bond that Bumblebee had shared with Megatron was the equivalent of that of a sibling; thus, making the loss of such a strong bond absolutely excruciating to the young mech. The loss of a sibling bond was one of the worst spark bond losses that a Cybertronian could ever experience. Only one loss was considered to be more painful and that was the loss of one's sparkmate. However, the big difference lay in the fact that sparkmates shared half a spark and the death of one sparkmate always resulted in the death of the other sparkmate. The same concept was applied to twins as well, since they shared the exact same spark.

Such a fate was not always the case for siblings.

Most Cybertronians did not have more than one sparkling during their lifetime, so siblings were not near as prevalent on Cybertron as they were on Earth. Only about one in every ten Cybertronians possessed a sibling, be they from the same creators or from the All-Spark. Siblings shared exactly one-fourth of their sparks with one another through the spark bond; and if one sibling were to die, the other would be left with one-fourth of their spark gone.

Until the war had begun, it was rare for Cybertronians to die early because of their long-lived lifespan. As a result, most siblings died together from severe old age and most creators died long before their creations passed into the Matrix. It was much easier for the created to survive the death of their creators than for the creators to survive the death of a sparkling or youngling.

However, as the war rapidly progressed, the Cybertronians became much more familiar with the damages such losses caused to the survivor's spark. Most siblings and creators survived the deaths of their loved ones, their sparks continuing to live long after the loss had occurred. Unfortunately, the painful void left in the spark as a result of these losses was permanent and would haunt the survivor for the rest of their life. Many mechs and femmes would have considered death to be a preferred alternative to the unbearable pain that resulted from such a gaping void in their spark.

It was possible for survivors to draw comfort from others whom they shared spark bonds with, such as their sparkmate or their other creator. In spite of this, by this point in time the war had taken such a toll on the Cybertronian race that most mechs and femmes had very few left with whom they possessed spark bonds. Most Cybertronians, especially Autobots, had lost the majority of those they had shared spark bonds with, namely their creators and extended relatives.

After all, there were only five types of spark bonds: those between a creator and their created; those between siblings; those between sparkmates; those between extended relatives; and those between all femmes and younglings.

Bumblebee had tried numerous times to interact with Optimus's spark, but each and every time he had been pushed away by the older mech. The young mech had never felt so alone as he did at this point in time. True, he had Sam and Mikaela as friends and had the other Autobots here on Earth with him. Ironhide's presence was a huge help and Bumblebee often went to his guardian when he just wanted to be reassured that someone was there for him.

But it was the spark interaction that Bumblebee needed, very badly.

No one besides Optimus knew what Bumblebee was suffering through, but for some reason the Autobot commander simply refused to wholly embrace the spark bond that he shared with the yellow youngling. The regal Autobot had embraced it when the scout had been younger, but had gradually pulled away as Bumblebee grew older and older, especially after the youngling had received his third-frame when he was about the Cybertronian equivalent of a ten-year-old Earth child.

And now, when Bumblebee was about the equivalent of a fifteen-year-old Earth child, the interaction was almost nonexistent.

Bumblebee tried his hardest to keep up his cheerful façade. He was, after all, a naturally outgoing and friendly mech. He always put the well-being of his comrades and friends above his own feelings and health. It was just the way he was programmed, and Bumblebee would not have it any other way. Nevertheless, sometimes the pain and grief just became too much and even cheerful little Bumblebee could not twitter and laugh his problems away.

The loss of Megatron had hit the youngling's spark hard, much harder than he had expected given their overall relationship. But, as Ratchet had said, the outward relationship of two bonded individuals did not matter; only the bond between the two sparks mattered.

And the bond that Bumblebee had had with Megatron was of the strongest kind.

The youngling whimpered in pain, his spark twisting in its casing as wave after wave of pulses traveled through the void that had once been filled by Megatron's dark and powerful presence. Now it was just…

Empty.

The shame and mortification that Bumblebee felt from actually missing such a bond was almost enough to make him overheat with worry at times. What would the other Autobots think if they found out about his relation to Megatron? Would they hate him? Would they be disgusted by him?

A sudden, horrible thought flashed through Bumblebee's processor and he felt his vents clamp shut in realization. What would Ironhide think?

Bumblebee felt his tanks churn in terror at the thought of his guardian finding out about his relation to the Decepticon Lord. After all, Ironhide absolutely despised any and all Decepticons. And if Megatron was a Decepticon and Bumblebee was related to him in such a strong way, then surely that meant that Bumblebee had the capacity to be swayed by his spark bond to the tyrannical mech. If Ironhide ever found out such a terrible thing, then he would disown Bumblebee without a second thought.

Ironhide was the closest thing Bumblebee had to a father-figure. If Ironhide were to disown him, well, Bumblebee didn't know if he would be able to survive that kind of harsh rejection. The immense black mech had always been there for him, sheltering him from the unforgiving realities of the universe. And if Bumblebee were to suddenly have that protection and comfort snatched away from him…

Well, Bumblebee preferred not to think about it.

The weapons specialist was one of the few constants that existed in Bumblebee's young world. Ironhide was both his protector and his father, giving the youngling his own form of gruff affection whenever they were within each other's presence. And it was that stern love that gave Bumblebee the urge to prove himself.

Unfortunately, Bumblebee highly doubted that even Ironhide's love for him would survive if the weapons specialist learned of the youngling's dark secret. And without both Optimus and Ironhide there to protect him, Bumblebee would surely be kicked out of the Autobot ranks or perhaps even executed for treason. Primus knew that there was enough hatred by some for the Decepticons that they would gladly seize the chance to kill a mech who had in any way been deceiving them.

Intense fear gripped the youngling's spark like a vice. What would he do if any of the others found out about his spark bond? Surely they would all turn against him. It was only logical that they would not trust Bumblebee after he had kept such a large secret for so many vorns.

_I'm a traitor,_ thought Bumblebee, tears of energon welling in his optics when the thought crossed his processor, _I never told them that I could sense Megatron. _

The thought was so upsetting that Bumblebee unconsciously slipped out of his alt mode, transforming back to his bipedal form without realizing it. His foot accidentally hit a stack of boxes on his left side, knocking them over in his distress and surprise. A half-breem passed before Bumblebee was willing to move again, worried that he had awoken Sam and his parents in his own stupidity and weakness. Once he was sure that the human family was still sleeping, Bumblebee relaxed a little and leaned back against one of the sturdier garage beams.

Another wave of pain shot through Bumblebee's spark, the empty void creating a perfect place for the pulses to slowly and agonizingly drift through before they went into the fuller areas of his spark. The intense agony was almost becoming too much for him to bear and Bumblebee almost felt like his systems were going to shut down.

_I deserve this,_ thought Bumblebee, curling up into a fetal position when another shot of pain cut through his spark, _I should have told them and then maybe Jazz would not be off-line. It's all my fault!!_

Bumblebee let out a low whine, his battered voice capacitor wheezing from the high-pitched decibels it was unable to reproduce. He did not have anyone to go to with his problems anymore. If Bumblebee went to any of his fellow Autobots, he would surely be cast out from the ranks and deemed a traitor. Perhaps that was why Optimus had not been accepting their bond, because Bumblebee had never come to him about the spark bond he shared with Megatron.

Everyone knew Optimus was related to Megatron, but they also knew that their bond had been mostly cut off thousands of vorns ago. But with Bumblebee, he had never told anyone about his spark bond with the Decepticon Lord, so the Autobots would have every right to suspect the yellow youngling of subterfuge if he were to come out and tell them his secret now. And to top it all off, Bumblebee had never once tried to cut off his spark bond with Megatron.

Bumblebee had been so desperate for spark interaction at times that he had openly sought out Megatron through the spark bond. The Decepticon Lord had never turned him away, but nor had he ever gone out of his way to comfort the youngling. However, he had always left the bond open, never once closing it off.

And it had become a hidden comfort to Bumblebee over the vorns.

Maybe that really was why Optimus had not accepted their bond, even after Megatron's death. The All-Spark had told Bumblebee that Optimus was the individual responsible for his creation, and the youngling had assumed that Optimus would have accepted him after the death of their dark brother at Mission City. However, that did not seem to be the case.

Sparklings only came from two places: the All-Spark or the union between a mech and a femme. And from what the All-Spark had told him, Bumblebee had come from neither.

_I don't understand,_ thought Bumblebee for what felt like the thousandth time, _If I truly came from Optimus, how could his sparkmate not be involved?_

All-Spark sparklings did not have creators, and therefore did not share a spark bond with their caretakers. The spark bond that Bumblebee shared with Optimus had a different feel to it than the ones that Ratchet had described existing between both creator and created. However, it was equally strong and Bumblebee did not for an astrosecond doubt his direct link to Optimus Prime.

His bond with Optimus felt like it was a mixture between that of a creator and that of a sibling. It was a weird bond and unlike any Bumblebee had read about in the multiple data-chips Ratchet had given him about twenty human months ago. Not one of the many descriptions in the chips had fit the bond he shared with the Autobot commander. He had soon come to the conclusion that his bond was a one-of-a-kind bond.

Still, Bumblebee could not for the life of him figure out the reason why their spark bond was so peculiar. It was a mystery to him.

Nevertheless, maybe the Autobot commander knew that Bumblebee had embraced his spark bond with the Decepticon Lord and that was why Optimus had not changed his treatment toward the youngling even after the All-Spark's destruction. Perhaps Optimus was disgusted by him and was purposely shutting Bumblebee out as a punishment for his interaction with their darker sibling.

The thought made Bumblebee feel very cold inside, his external vents huffing at the mere possibility of such a cruel rejection. He had been spending very little time with the other Autobots too. Optimus had strictly told him that he was to guard Sam, and not worry about the missions he and the other Autobots had been performing with the newly formed NEST squadron.

Perhaps Optimus doubted his abilities as well.

Bumblebee poked at a grease stain on the garage floor, his spark pulsing with shame that suddenly seemed to wash over him. His small size had always been a problem and there really was not too much he could do to assist the others on the battlefield. He was excellent at gathering intelligence; but on the actual battlefield, he tended to be more of a nuisance than anything else. He did not possess the speed or dexterity that had made Jazz such an effective fighter, nor was he able to camouflage himself behind an invisible electro-disruptor shield like Mirage.

It was probably best that Optimus and the others had left him behind with the Witwicky family.

The youngling jumped in surprise when his com-link suddenly started to buzz, knocked effectively out of his reverie by the loud noise. He swiftly switched it on and listened attentively to the communicator on his left wrist plate, wondering who would message him so late at night.

"Bumblebee?" asked a voice suddenly over his com-link.

The youngling perked up slightly at the familiar voice, happy to hear the sound of his guardian's gruff tone when his spark was churning with such terrible turmoil. Despite his intense fears, Bumblebee still needed to hear that rough voice and allowed all of the warm feelings that came with it to wash over his tired frame.

"You there?"

"Yes," Bumblebee rasped in reply, his voice capacitor straining over the one word like it was a thousand word paper. "I…am…here."

"Hey!!" snapped the brusque voice, "What have I told you about trying to talk?! Do you want to destroy your vocal capacitor completely?"

"No," wheezed Bumblebee, the gears in his throat grinding painfully together, "But…other…ways…too…imper…sonal."

"I don't give a slag if they're impersonal, you shouldn't be talking with your vocal capacitor," scolded Ironhide, his voice taking on a stern tone like he had when Bumblebee had been a tiny sparkling, "Now switch over to your messaging system before I tell the Hatchet that you've been talking without your radio."

Bumblebee buzzed in annoyance, not at all pleased by the scolding that he was receiving from his grumpy guardian. The youngling would like to see how Ironhide would fare without a voice for countless vorns on end. The old mech would probably go fritzy from not being able to insult people and bark out orders. Instead, he'd probably just blow up everything that pissed him off and then go stomping off in a huff when Optimus reprimanded him.

_**There, it's off, are you happy now?** _Bumblebee sent in text form.

"Yes, very," responded Ironhide, his voice taking on a decidedly calmer tone now that his adopted youngling had done as he was told to, "Now, you were briefed by the Hatchet on our next mission, right?"

Bumblebee nodded his head unconsciously, _**Affirmative. **_

"Good, then you know how important it is that you and that little organic friend of yours don't cause any trouble while we're gone, understand?"

The youngling twittered with indignation, _**We never cause any trouble, it is you who does that! You are always trying to blow stuff up!**_

Ironhide's deep rumble of laughter over the com-link sent a chill down the young mech's frame, alerting him to what kind of mission the other Autobots must be going on if the old weapons specialist was this maliciously excited. Laughter such as this from his guardian could only mean one thing and that was…

"If the reports out of this China country are anything to go by, then it would seem that I'm going to be blowing up plenty of _stuff_ in the coming joors," answered the oldest Autobot with an ominous chuckle. "And I'll finally get a chance to test out this brand new weapons system in my right cannon."

Bumblebee rolled his optics at his guardian's trigger-happy ways, totally used to the ravenous excitement Ironhide possessed when it came to blowing up 'Cons. And with that thought, Bumblebee felt his entire frame seize up and his young spark quiver with an intense fear. And it soon became obvious that Bumblebee's fear was so strong and potent that even Ironhide could feel it across their much weaker bond.

"Bumblebee?!" shouted Ironhide, his voice taking on a serious and even slightly frightened tone through the com-link, "What's wrong!?"

The combination of violent pulses of pain that were ripping through the void in Bumblebee's spark along with the extreme fear of possibly being found out and rejected was resulting in the overheating of the young mech's internal systems. And it was with great difficulty and stubbornness that Bumblebee was finally able to push those feelings aside and respond to his guardian's increasingly frantic inquiries.

"I…am…fine," rasped Bumblebee, his hand unconsciously gripping the plates over his spark as he tried to fight off the pain, "Voice…capaci…tor…hurts."

Bumblebee knew it was a lame excuse, but was desperately hoping that Ironhide would just accept it and move on. Of course, he also should not have doubted the strong intuitiveness of his cannon-totting guardian.

"Don't you dare lie to me, Bumblebee!!" snarled Ironhide over the link, his voice a mixture of anger and worry for his youngling, "Now tell me the truth!!"

"I…am…fine!" argued Bumblebee, furiously suppressing the pain in his spark so that Ironhide could not even remotely sense it no matter how hard he tried, "I…am…just a…little…tired."

"Bumblebee…" growled Ironhide in a warning tone, and he probably would have continued to push through the youngling's emotional barriers if it were not for the other deep voice that suddenly appeared in the background, "I'm busy right now, so slag off!"

The distressed youngling took the opportunity to wish his guardian luck before swiftly switching off the com-link. He had recognized the voice in the background and Optimus was currently the last mech Bumblebee wanted to talk to right now. Especially since Bumblebee now suspected the reasons behind Optimus's refusal to embrace their spark bond.

With a quiet whine, Bumblebee leaned back against the pillar and waited for the sun to rise over the horizon. He would not be getting anymore recharge tonight.

* * *

Well, here's the first chapter, I hope I did not butcher Bumblebee's personality too much. This story will be a direct continuation of _Little Brother_, but will have a much darker theme to it, which is obviously due to the deaths that occurred in the movie. I would highly suggest reading my other stories before this one, just to have a better understanding of the main plotline and ideas used in this story. Well, other than that, I hope this chapter lived up to expectations and if anyone has any suggestions or requests, just post them in a review or message. Thank you for reading!!


	2. Chapter II

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or any of the characters, Hasbro & Paramount Pictures does.

The song _He Is Not One of Us _belongs to Walt Disney Feature Animation. The ideas of carrying and carrying holds as used in this story belong to Litahatchee. I am referencing these ideas from her story, _Night Fire_. It's excellent and a must read for anyone who may be interested in the story behind Ironhide and Chromia. And a huge thanks to MoonstarWorld for all of the help and inspiration she has given me for this story. Thank you.

Okay, the site has deleted this chapter twice on me in the last few hours. Let's try this again.

New Divide - Chapter II

* * *

The rubble of what was left of the Witwicky family yard was not a very pleasant sight to behold for any person, be they human or alien alike. Not only was the garage and most of the yard pretty much destroyed, but a decent portion of the back of the house was in shambles as well. It was really was no surprise that Judy was racing around the small estate in an exasperated huff, surveying the damage that had been done to her home and her precious bushes. And it was due in part to the incensed woman why the Cybertronian alien who lived in their garage had chosen to flee while the getting was good and because his human charge would be departing for college on the eastern coast in just a few short hours.

Bumblebee had never felt so frustrated before in his life. He did what he could to protect Sam and his family and all he got out of it was a solid scolding. He felt more like an ornery youngling than a great savior at the moment. The only comfort he had now was a blaring radio which seemed to enjoy taunting him too.

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Deception...

The cool wind of the Great Plains did not even do much to calm down his frayed and frustrated nervous system. Sam had become a great friend to Bumblebee over the past two Earth years and the sudden lack of his friendly presence was something that the mech would not accept. And that was why he was currently driving on the quickest route to the eastern coast of America. Yet another rejection was not something that Bumblebee could handle right now.

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Disgrace...

It was a fact that Bumblebee was not at all proud of, especially since he had spent countless vorns preparing for the emotional isolation that came along with his profession as an Autobot scout. However, emotional isolation did not even begin to describe the pain that he had been enduring over the vorns. The young mech's spark had been deteriorating for a long time now due to bond neglect, but Bumblebee had been able to handle the pain without complaint until...

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Evil as plain as the scar on his face.

The death of his darker brother.

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Deception...

It was like a switch had suddenly been thrown in the youngling's frame and a vast emptiness had completely enveloped his tender spark. And the pain had only continued to grow as time passed. It was just so fragging frustrating and there were many times when Bumblebee felt like he was going to blow a gasket from all of the pent-up emotion inside his small frame. And now seemed to be one of those times, because Bumblebee seriously did not want to acknowledge what the liquid that was leaking out of what would normally be an anti-freeze container was and why he suddenly could not contain all of these trying feelings that he had managed to hide for so long.

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An outrage!

Primus, he was acting just like a pathetic sparkling, but Bumblebee really did not care at this point. He was just so slagging tired of being rejected and ignored all the time! Was he really that unlovable that no one wanted to be around him?

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He can't change his stripes!

The thought hit closer to home more than he was willing admit, mostly because he still did not want to face the fact that Optimus and the others had left him for death at the hands of Sector Seven. Primus, even Ironhide had left him! Perhaps he was nothing to the other Autobots, except an irritating hindrance or sparking wire in their sides. After all, it was not like Bumblebee was really good for anything besides spying and the occasional reconnaissance. Aside from that, he was pretty much useless on the battlefield, as he had demonstrated in Mission City when his legs had been blown off by a slagging stupid act of idiocy on his part.

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Disgrace!

It was truly no wonder Optimus had never once asked Bumblebee to accompany NEST on any of their missions. He knew that the youngling would just screw the mission up anyways.

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For shame!

The normally good-natured youngling revved in frustration, overwhelmed by all of the different feelings he was experiencing at this point. Bumblebee rarely ever allowed the pain in his spark to outwardly show, fearful of the questions that the older mechs may ask or what conclusions they may draw from them. The only person he had ever remotely mentioned his relationship with Megatron to had been his guardian, who had in turn made an obvious effort never to bring up the topic ever again. Bumblebee knew better than just about anyone else in the universe just how much Ironhide despised Megatron. And it was this intense hatred which kept Bumblebees vocal capacitors firmly shut whenever anyone spoke of the Decepticon Lord.

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You know these outsider types!

Bumblebee feared Ironhide's rejection more than anything else in the universe.

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He asked for trouble the moment he came!

He had already experienced Optimus's on numerous occasions when he had been reaching out through his spark for comfort, the pain of the bond rejection very nearly too much for the laid-back youngling to take at times. Ironhide, on the other hand, had never once turned Bumblebee away. Despite the fact that they could not feel each other's sparks through their bond, Ironhide had always used other means to comfort his youngling to the best of his abilities. Bumblebee was a very physical youngling by Cybertronian standards, always seeking some form of physical comfort from his caretakers even when everything was fine. Ironhide had accepted this quirk of his personality early on in his sparklinghood and was always affectionate with Bumblebee when the situation called for it.

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See you later, agitator!

Ironhide had always been Bumblebees first line of defense from everything, an almighty force of nature and deadly cannons that could strike fear into the sparks of even the most ferocious Decepticons. The mere thought of that ferocity suddenly being turned on him was enough to make Bumblebee tremble with fright. He had never feared Ironhide before in his life, but that was before his connection with Megatron had been revealed by the All-Spark. Ironhide despised Decepticons so much that it would not be implausible at all if he disowned Bumblebee upon learning of just how deep his connection and feelings ran towards Megatron.

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Deception!

It wasn't like Bumblebee was truly Ironhide's youngling anyways. He was just an abandoned orphan who nobody really knew what to do with and Ironhide had just happened to be the first to break down and offer to care for the homeless sparkling. And someone who wasn't a youngling's true creator could get rid of it whenever they wanted, right? It wasnt like they were under any obligation to keep something that they did not create in the first place. Or at least that was how Bumblebee rationalized it, since he had never been able to find any data on such a situation in the archives. It almost seemed like he was the first orphaned sparkling in history, which could not possibly be true. Maybe he just hadn't looked in the right places.

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An outrage!

His guardian was one of the Autobot's most ruthless warriors, so why in the Pit would someone like him want to deal with a puny and physically demanding youngling when he could instead be out ripping off Decepticon heads? Ironhide was easily one of the Autobot's most skilled fighters, so it was entirely plausible that he could go anywhere he wanted in the universe if he simply requested the right mission. But instead of doing this, he was saddled down with a needy youngling whom he never left behind for more than a handful of orns. Well, until the All-Spark mission, that is. But Ironhide had volunteered for that mission as well.

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Just leave us alone!

Ironhide, the most violent and petulant of Autobot warriors, had practically sacrificed everything he loved and enjoyed to care for an under-sized youngling who still wouldn't come of age for many, many more vorns. What warrior wanted to play baby-sitter instead of destructor? It just didn't make any sense...

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Disgrace!

A sharp pain shot through Bumblebee's spark yet again, but he did his best to just ignore it and continue on past the Missouri state line. The pain had gradually been getting worse over the past few months, although it had been most acute after Megatron's death. Bumblebee hoped that it would eventually go away entirely, especially since he did not want Optimus or that other presence inside his leader's presence, that soothing warm one that he hadn't felt for a few vorns now, to sense his distress. Bumblebee was certain that the other presence he felt in Optimus's spark on rare occasions was a femme, something he was able to conclude mostly due to the bond feeling so vastly different than the ones he shared with the faction leaders.

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For shame!

And if that warm bond was truly a femme, then Bumblebee had absolutely no right to disturb or upset her with his petty little problems. He needed to handle this alone. It was his burden to bear, not anybody else's and Bumblebee did not want any of the other Autobots to concern themselves with him anymore. Primus knew that they had enough on their plates already, the very last thing they needed was to deal with him right now. It did not matter whether or not he was still a youngling, all that mattered was that Bumblebee should be able to handle his problems by himself.

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Traitor, go back with your own!

The youngling frowned slightly as he remembered some of the times Ironhide had become frustrated with the many different demands of a youngling. Not to mention Bumblebee's rather notorious tendency to sneak off, something that many of the older Autobots described as not being the normal behavior of any youngling they had ever encountered before in all of their vorns. Mirage had tried to assuage their worries numerous times, arguing that it was simply in Bumblebee's spy-centered programming to want to explore or sneak out from under the optics of his caretakers. Unfortunately, his spy mentor's explanations did little to pacify Ironhide or Optimus the few times Bumblebee had been caught copying data out of _Artemis's_ mainframe or pilfering their battle strategies.

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He asked for trouble the moment he came!

Even back then he could never seem to do anything right. All he ever seemed to do was make the adults mad at him. Or distrust him.

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See you later, agitator!

Bumblebee much preferred the former, which never lasted more than a few orns and did not involve a plethora of frowns or disappointed optics. Primus, the disappointed optics were always by far the worst. He liked to think that he was a fairly thick-armored young mech, but the mere thought of Optimus or Ironhide looking at him with optics full of rejection and hate...

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Born in grief, raised in hate...

It was enough to make his spark hammer with abject and horrifying fear, mainly because Optimus and Ironhide were the most important beings in Bumblebee's life. He had come to include Sam and Mikaela in that little circle as well, but it was unequivocally Optimus and Ironhide who held the strongest spots in his life. He truly could not remember even one moment in his life where either of the two were not there to comfort him, whether it be in body or spirit. They had both just **_always_** been there; or if they hadn't, they had sure tried their damnedest to get to him.

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Helpless to defy his fate...

Until Earth and Sector Seven, that is...

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Let him run, let him live...

Perhaps they suspected something on his part, a disloyalty of some sort due to his connection with Megatron. That was the only explanation for why they had been treating him with such disregard over the past few...what did humans call it...Oh, yes, years. He could not think of any other reason. And Primus knew that Optimus had every reason to suspect such a thing due to Bumblebee being a spy. There was a reason that most people did not wholly trust spies and that was because they were rather well-known for flipping sides at their own convenience. Optimus knew about Bumblebee's bond with Megatron and it was fairly clear that Ironhide at least very highly suspected such a connection as well, so perhaps the pair of them had decided that Bumblebee was no longer un-biased enough to be privy to crucial Autobot information?

__

But do not forget what we cannot forgive!

The fact that Bumblebee was related to Megatron just made his loyalty even more suspect than it already was because of his occupational programming. Maybe that was the reason why Ironhide had always seemed rather displeased by Bumblebee's chosen career, even when he saw that Bumblebee really enjoyed Mirage's tutelage. True, the aristocratic mech had Optimus's full trust, but he had earned it over the vorns. What had Bumblebee done besides get his voice capacitor ripped out by a mech that was notorious for viciously attacking anything that moved or talked back? Or get himself kidnapped by Megatron in his younger vorns; thus, causing considerable trouble for the Autobots?

__

And he is not one of us!

Nothing. Absolutely, fragging nothing.

__

He has never been one of us!

Megatron would never have even known where the Autobots were a number times if it hadn't for Bumblebee's presence. All he had ever done was compromise their trust by sneaking around the ship and causing unnecessary trouble for everyone. But he just couldn't stop himself! It was like some kind of addiction, his sneaky tendencies. Blowing stuff up just did not give him the same kind of thrill as pilfering a data pad of battle strategies did, the same type of rush just was not there. Bumblebee knew that Ironhide loved the thrill of the fight and literally reveled in vast destruction that his monstrous cannons produced, but that kind of thing just didn't excite him.

__

He is not part of us!

It actually kind of scared him. Not that he would ever admit it.

__

Not of our kind!

Bumblebee's passion came in discovering the universe around him. He **_loved_** to explore his surroundings, something that he had demonstrated at a very early age. None of Autobots except for Mirage and Depthcharge, the latter of whom he very rarely saw as the vorns passed due to high-risk missions, truly understood the overwhelming feelings that he experienced when exploring unknown locations and documenting as much as possible about everything around him. Even some of the other intelligence-based Autobots were startled by his tendencies to sneak away without a moment's notice, which made getting them on his side nearly impossible in most situations.

__

Someone once lied to us!

The only Autobots who truly understood how Bumblebee felt were the spies, who were far and in between these vorns. He preferred not to think about all of the spies that the Decepticons boasted: Soundwave, Laserbeak, Buzzsaw, Spectro, Flamewar, Spyglass, Viewfinder, Ravage, Nightflight, Dirt Rocket, and Reflector. And those were just the few with confirmed spy-designations that Bumblebee himself was aware of, which meant that his list did not include those who were _capable_ of spying, even if such an occupation was not a part of their innate programming.

__

Now we're not so blind!

Bumblebee could not help that he liked to spy on other mechs in his spare time. It was something that just...happened most of the time. It was more often than not a spur of the moment kind of thing, which was why he tended to get caught by the adults. Whenever he seriously planned to spy on someone, he planned it all in such a way that it was basically impossible for him to get caught. He would have back-up plans for his back-up plans, an important strategy of spying that Mirage had taught him.

__

For we knew he would do what he's done!

In all truth, he had never really thought too much about these things before, or at least he hadn't until Megatron's death. There had been a few times when they may have ghosted through his CPU, but such thoughts had never lingered long enough to upset him or cause him to question the adults around him. Bumblebee figured that his complete lack of knowledge regarding his true relation to the Decepticon Lord was why these things had never before bothered him.

__

And we know that he'll never be one of us!

Primus, his CPU was seriously beginning to hurt from all of these thoughts.

__

Deception!

He really wished Sam or Mikaela were here so that he could talk to them. Even if they were not Cybertronians, the two young humans always worked their hardest to try to understand the culture of their alien friends and had been extremely supportive whenever the yellow mech wished to talk. Bumblebee suspected that the two humans suspected that something had been not quite right with him for the past few weeks. Even with all of the college drama and packing, Sam had been acting...strange as of late, asking perhaps too many questions about things that he should not be concerned with; and Mikaela had been doing it as well, even if she tried to be more discreet about it.

__

Disgrace!

Bumblebee honestly did not understand why they were so concerned about him, it was not like he couldn't take of himself. He had been taking care of himself for numerous vorns now.

__

Deception!

The two humans did not know about his ability to sense Megatron. No one except Optimus and Ironhide knew about that particular connection, even though Bumblebee did not know how much either knew exactly on the subject. Ironhide simply knew that there existed a moderately significant bond of some sort between the Decepticon Lord and his adopted youngling, but there was no telling how much Optimus truly knew, which greatly unnerved the young mech. He did not know where he stood with either of them anymore, and it was really beginning to hurt his spark.

__

Disgrace!

He wanted to talk to someone so badly about everything; but Bumblebee also knew that he shouldn't, that he should handle his own problems. Sam always enjoyed pointing out to him that, by Cybertronian standards, Bumblebee was quite a bit younger than Mikaela and himself. Just barely into the equivelant of Earth's teenage years, in fact. Ironhide had found this comparison to be extremely amusing, eagerly explaining just how _young_ Bumblebee was and how he still had a long time before coming of age. But that didn't matter, he had to take of himself.

__

Deception...

Primus, why did everything have to be so confusing?

__

Disgrace...

Why couldn't he just be normal? Why did he have to be related to the worst mass-murderer in the history of the Cybertronian race? Why did Optimus ruthlessly ignore him every Pit-fragging time he reached out to him across their bond? Why was he not allowed to feel the other bond, the one that was likely a femme? Why couldn't he have been born to Ironhide, preventing all of this horrible pain and confusion that was brutally ripping his spark apart? Why did the thought of Megatron dying have to hurt him so much? What did he have to do to make this terrifying pain **_go__ away?_**

__

Deception...

With a watery sigh through his vents and a discreet flick of his windshield wipers, Bumblebee angrily flipped off his radio. He didn't really feel like listening to music right now anyways.

* * *

Yes, my readers, I am actually alive and kicking. Yes, it surprises me too. It's amazing how much graduate/doctoral programs can completely take over your entire life. And I'm not even halfway done with mine! Dear God, I don't know whether to cry or throw a temper tantrum at that painful thought. But aside from that, I'm alive! And Bumblebee is really angsty, I know, but that angsty-ness is essential. He pretty much thinks his adoptive father (Ironhide) and the other Autobots are going to kick him to the curb. That'd make me angsty too. So just bear with me for now and I'm sorry if it's not very enjoyable yet.

I purposely made this chapter rather non-linear and bizarre in composition compared to ones in my other stories because I wanted to portray Bumblebee's thoughts and feelings, which are extremely jumbled and erratic at the moment. This will be the only chapter without dialogue, mostly because I like to write dialogue. And I thought the little song was pretty good at summing up how Bumblebee feels right now.

As for the next chapter, I will give you a few hints since I already got most of it written and I've made you guys wait so long: it will be from Sam and Mikaela's point-of-view, angsty Bumblebee has been tattled on, and a certain grumpy mech will fly into overprotective mode. And as I've said before, any and all suggestions are welcome! Thanks for reading!


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